Healthy Family Boundaries During the Holidays
The holiday season is a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, it can also be a period of stress, anxiety, and strained relationships, especially when managing family dynamics. As the holidays approach, our to-do lists grow longer, our time and energy become scarce resources, and our patience can wear thin. Whether dealing with relatives or co-parenting with an ex-partner, setting healthy boundaries is crucial to ensure that the holidays are a time of harmony, love, and emotional well-being for everyone involved.
Managing Expectations with Boundaries
Boundaries play a pivotal role in maintaining peace and balance during the holidays. They help manage expectations, time, and emotions, and they should be communicated to children in an age-appropriate manner.
Here are six boundaries to consider implementing:
The Hand-off: Agree on the where, when, and what times for holiday gatherings and celebrations. Clearly define the schedule to prevent misunderstandings and ensure a smooth transition between parents or family members.
Gift Giving: Discuss how much each parent will spend on gifts for the children. A set budget is especially important if there is a significant income disparity between co-parents, ensuring fairness and preventing competition.
Access to Children: Determine who can be around your children during the holidays. Protect them from unsafe, toxic, or emotionally triggering individuals. Your children's physical and emotional well-being should always come first.
"It's all relative when it comes to your relatives." - Sherry Chandler, Shepherd’s Village
Bedtime: Although it may seem trivial, helping your children get adequate sleep is crucial for their emotional stability, even during the holidays when school is out.
Screen Time: Set agreed-upon limits on screen time, especially as kids may move between two homes during the holidays. Limits help maintain consistency and online safety.
Communication: If one parent spends more time with the children during the holidays, establish a predetermined daily time for the other parent and children to connect via text, phone, or video calls.
Communicating Boundaries
The key to effective boundary setting is communication. Ideally, co-parents should already have a Parenting Plan that outlines these boundaries. Additionally, regular "Co-Parenting Meetings" can be arranged to discuss children's schedules, life details, discipline approaches, and finances related to the children’s needs. However, if the relationship between co-parents is strained, several apps can simplify communication and planning.
What If Boundaries Are Broken?
What happens when your boundaries aren't respected? It's essential to address it constructively. The sooner, the better.
Acknowledge It: Recognize the broken boundary with love and truth. Ignoring broken boundaries only enables bad behavior.
Effective Communication: Approach the issue to improve the relationship, not prove yourself right. Choose a suitable time for a productive conversation, ideally when both parties are calm and the children are away.
Progress, Not Perfection: Understand that you can't change another person. Focus on making progress in the relationship rather than seeking perfection.
Overcoming Guilt
Setting boundaries can sometimes trigger guilt, but it's important to remember that limits set in love protect and promote healthy relationships. They provide a safe space for everyone to grow.
Guilt is more likely to arise when boundaries are not set, potentially leading to dysfunction. Embrace boundaries as they will foster stronger, more loving relationships during the holidays and beyond.
Remember, The Motive Is Love And Respect
Healthy family boundaries during the holidays are not about control but about fostering love, respect, and emotional well-being for everyone involved. As the holiday season approaches, take the time to discuss and establish healthy boundaries with your co-parent and loved ones. Doing so creates the foundation for a joyful, harmonious, and special holiday season for you and your family.
Let us know how we can specifically pray for you as you enter this holiday season as a single mother. Whether this is your first holiday alone with your children or you’ve done this multiple times, this season can be challenging. Let God meet you in each moment—starting now. We’re here for you.
Recommended Resources for Co-Parents: