Your Presence Is A Gift
Hey, Solo Mama! You know, being a parent is a hard job, but being a single parent is, without a doubt, beyond challenging. We know from experience that it can be frustrating, never-ending, and exhausting—not to mention lonely. Even though you spend a lot of time with yourself, it is tough to find time for yourself. You're always on the clock. It's very easy for a single mom to get lost in what we call the “solo shuffle.”
So, how do you create deep and meaningful connections with your children when you feel like you’re already in survival mode?
One of the most impactful ways to strengthen your bond with each other is by being fully present—aware and engaged in the moment. Put down the distractions and say goodbye to mentally checking out.
How can you show up and avoid being overwhelmed or overly reactive to what's happening around you?
Let's explore how embracing the gift of the present can foster moments of connection and joy in your home.
3 Steps To The Gift Of Presence
#1: Practice Mindfulness
You're not alone if you catch yourself going through the motions every day. Most people spend about 47% of their waking hours thinking about what isn’t happening now. * This daydreaming doesn’t make our lives any happier or make our children feel seen or heard.
Practicing mindfulness means waking up and being fully engaged and aware of the present moment. For solo mamas, this means setting aside worries about the future or regrets about the past and focusing on the here and now with your children.
Mindfulness doesn’t just benefit your children; it’s proven to have enormous benefits for you, too. As you dance the solo shuffle, here’s what mindfulness can do for YOU:
Reduce Stress: By staying present, you can manage the stress that accompanies single parenting.
Improve Emotional Regulation: Being mindful helps you respond to your children calmly and patiently, fostering a positive environment.
Enhance Relationships: Mindfulness allows you to truly experience moments with your children, creating lasting memories and a strong emotional bond.
#2: Engage In Active Listening
Active listening is more than just hearing your child’s words; it’s about understanding the emotions and intentions behind them. Yep, it’s hard, especially if you’re tired, busy, or having a bad day. Add to that a younger child who wants to go on and on about a video game or a teen who yells and slams the door.
Your mind may want to go numb, but your child’s heart says, “Mom, I just need you to listen.”
Here’s how you can practice active listening:
Make Eye Contact: Show your child that they have your full attention.
Reflect Back: Paraphrase what your child says to confirm understanding and show that you’re engaged.
Avoid Interrupting: Let your child express their thoughts entirely before responding.
Show Empathy: Validate their feelings, whether they’re happy, sad, or frustrated.
We definitely recommend active listening as a skill you incorporate into every area of life, not just with your kiddos.
#3: Be Emotionally Available
Emotional availability means being there for your child not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.
Here’s why emotional availability is crucial:
Builds Trust: Your child will feel secure knowing they can come to you with any issue.
Encourages Open Communication: An emotionally available parent sets the stage for honest and open conversations.
Supports Emotional Growth: Your child learns to navigate their emotions by observing how you handle yours.
You’ll have to take care of yourself to ensure you have the energy and patience needed to be fully present and emotionally available for your children. Lean into your support network and reach out to friends, family, or support groups so you have an outlet for your own emotional needs.
Additional Tips To Create Moments of Connection
Now that you’re thinking about being present, there are other ways to purposefully create moments of connection.
Establish Routines: Consistent routines provide a sense of security and belonging. Whether it’s a bedtime story, a morning walk, or a weekly game night, these rituals create special moments of connection.
Unplug Together: Set aside time each day to disconnect from screens and connect with each other. Play a game, cook together, or simply talk.
Celebrate Small Moments: Don’t wait for big events to celebrate. Find joy in everyday achievements and moments, like finishing a puzzle or having a spontaneous dance party in the living room.
Create One-on-One Time: If you have more than one child, spend individual time with each of them. It can be as simple as a trip to the grocery store or a walk around the block.
Practice Gratitude Together: Encourage your children to reflect on what they’re grateful for. Start a nightly routine where everyone shares one thing they appreciate about their day.
Communicate Effectively: Maintain open lines of communication with your co-parent to ensure consistency and stability for your children.
Take It Slow—You Got This!
If all of this feels daunting, have some grace for yourself. The last thing you need is to feel defeated, discouraged, tired, stressed, or anxious.
What is one small thing you can do today to practice being present?
Each small step will give you the motivation and energy you need to take the next step, and before you know it, you've made significant progress.
Being fully present in your kids’ lives is one of the greatest gifts you can offer them. Practicing mindfulness, active listening, and being emotionally available creates a nurturing environment where your children can thrive. Embrace the present, celebrate the small moments, and build a foundation of trust and love that will support your children throughout their lives.
Additional Resource: It’s A Single Mom Thing Podcast: S3, E4 Single Mom Life Hacks: How To Have Success With Your Little Someones
* Harvard Psychological Study: Wandering Mind Not A Happy Mind