From Brokeness to Healthy Connections in Dating
Hey, Single Mama! In case no one told you this today, you’re doing a great job. Juggling parenthood, career, personal growth, and meaningful connections can seem daunting. We understand because we're all on this journey together, learning and growing along the way.
“Mommin’ ain’t easy,” as they say. And if you’re also trying to navigate the dating world, welcome to another layer of complexity. You deserve love, intimacy, and a fulfilling relationship, but how do you get that with all the other demands on your life?
First and foremost, let's acknowledge that none of us are experts in dating, but while we may not have all the answers, we can turn to God for guidance because he’s our ultimate relationship coach.
Heartache From Break Ups
If you’re a Christian single, you know you’re created for relationships, but it doesn’t always feel that way, does it? You’re looking for love, but you’re too often met with heartache. Loneliness. Regret.
Does this sound familiar?
You meet someone, and he’s interested in you. Initially, he seems pretty dreamy, like everything you want in a man and more. So, you cautiously invest your time and emotions. Sparks fly at first, but you realize something’s wrong as the relationship unfolds. Soon enough, things abruptly end, leaving you sad and questioning all your life choices.
It hurts. We know. We’ve been there.
You’re dating in a broken world. And in a broken world full of broken people, what can you expect to find? Because the truth is, you’re broken as well. Getting caught up in the superficial aspects of attraction or the desire for physical intimacy is easy, but fostering genuine emotional connections sustains a relationship over time.
The emotional connection we want often means surrendering our desires and expectations to God and opening ourselves up to His divine plan for our lives. Prioritizing emotional intimacy can pave the way for deeper, more meaningful connections with a potential partner, but finding that lasting connection probably means changing a few things.
Healing Broken Pieces
Amid heartbreak and disappointment, losing sight of your worth and identity is natural. Sister, know this: You are a child of God, valued and loved unconditionally by Him. Today, remember that your past mistakes or failed relationships do not define you. Instead, God can help you break old patterns and find healing and redemption in His grace.
Maybe you’ve experienced a failed marriage, a recent breakup, or some kind of past trauma. Rejection and betrayal leave the best of us feeling hurt and guarded. Do you believe God can turn your broken pieces into new peace?
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this (broken) world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the (broken) world.” John 16:33
Yes, we live, parent, and date in a broken world. But YOU have direct access to the One who overcame that world, and He is fighting for you.
The person you’re dating has also experienced the brokenness of this world. That’s why dating in a broken world is not about finding perfection; it's about making progress. It's about embracing our imperfections and growing from them so both people in a relationship can give and receive empathy, open communication, and genuine connection.
In all things—even in the broken pieces of your past—look for the Lord to lead and teach you, especially if you want your next relationship to be your last and best. Ask yourself, “Am I the best for the person I’m looking for?” Give God the broken pieces in your life and let him heal those spaces so your emotional connections in your relationship can be strong and healthy.
Experiencing Breakthrough
The balancing act of your life can already feel overwhelming, right? The pressure to carry the weight of societal expectations and judgments regarding dating can be enough to turn tail and run. Making a genuine emotional connection with another person may sound draining, so relying on physical attraction or fleeting encounters seems easier than prioritizing a healthy, emotional connection.
But what if a single shift could lead to a profound breakthrough in your perspective on dating?
What if you started living every day desiring to delight God more than yourself, your children, a dating partner, or society? In Psalm 37:4 it says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
A woman who delights in the Lord has desires that align with His. There is fullness of joy and pleasures that last forever found in God's presence. A truly joyful life that extends through eternity comes from delighting ourselves in the Lord.
Remember that God sees the heart, not just outward appearances. You can trust that He knows the heart of the person you’re dating and if they intend to break yours. Don't keep him out of your dating process. Invite him in and have him serve as your relationship coach because He knows who is truly meant for you and will guide you on the path to love and wholeness.
Are you trying to figure out the dating thing as a single mom or navigating a recent breakup? Shepherd’s Village invites you to join our community online or in person. We’d love to meet you!
Looking for additional resources on dating? Check out our podcast, especially this recent episode on dating!