6 Lessons I Learned As A Single Mom
6 LESSONS I LEARNED AS A SINGLE MOM
Single motherhood. That wasn’t a path Christine ever expected to walk.
Marriage. Babies. She thought these things were supposed to bring fulfillment and happiness, but her life wasn’t turning out the way she had always pictured it.
Christine’s husband was never available for her—not physically nor emotionally. His rejection and neglect seemed only to intensify after they had their children. They lived in Florida, many states away from Christine’s family and lifelong friends, and she longed for his support. But it never came. Sometimes he would work out of state for months on end, leaving her alone to care for an infant and toddler.
Christine will never forget the ache she felt deep in her heart, wishing her husband wanted to be there with her and their boys. The many late nights she spent alone feeding the baby or comforting a scared little boy. She had a nagging pit in her stomach every time the baby cried, or her oldest threw another temper tantrum. Everything in her felt completely numb. She was so tired—tired of being the only one to do it all.
She remained married for nearly a decade. Her marriage ended when her husband learned he got another woman pregnant and served Christine divorce papers. The father of her children walked out of their lives.
“In a way,” Christine reflected, “my role as a single mom started from the moment I found out I was expecting. My husband failed to protect me, and he failed to protect our children. Over the years, I had to learn how to protect myself and my boys, who were just two and five years old when their father left.”
Though those ten years in her marriage were full of sadness and hurt, Christine is now in a much better place. “I hope my story will encourage and empower you to realize your best days are still in front of you.”
Here are six lessons Christine learned as she walked the path of single motherhood.
6 Lessons I Learned As A Single Mom
#1: CREATE A CIRCLE OF SUPPORT
Before her husband ever filed for divorce, Christine knew if she needed support (and she did), then she would have to find it.
“I had to create a network of support in a city in which I knew no one. I found that through a wonderful church and some amazing girlfriends I met there,” she shared.
When the reality of her husband’s abandonment hit her, she felt so sad. The grief pushed her into a deeper prayer life, and she studied her Bible for comfort. Admittedly, though, she was initially embarrassed to share the news of her divorce with the church.
“Would they think I had failed my marriage, my children, and maybe even God?” she wondered.
Nothing could have been further from the truth.
When Christine finally found the courage to talk about the divorce, everyone showed her love and support. The church knew her and her boys, and they truly cared for them.
#2: HOPE COMES IN UNEXPECTED WAYS
With a lot of courage and faith, Christine had to work out the details to finish their apartment lease.
“The boys and I had to live there for the final few months while I packed, got rid of most of our belongings, and figured out a plan for what to do next,” Christine recalled. “I was expecting a lonely, unbearable time ahead of me, But then God sent an unexpected surprise.”
She learned that her son’s Pre-K teacher was also going through a divorce and needed temporary housing. The two women became friends as they shared their common struggles, and Christine offered for her newfound friend to come and stay with them for those final months of the apartment lease.
“It was all unexpected, but it was exactly what we all needed. We spent that final time in our apartment laughing, crying, and having a great time together. That friendship brought us so much unexpected hope.”
#3: ACCEPTING HELP REQUIRES HUMILITY
When her lease ended, Christine had to make a big move. It took humility to move back home with her parents as an adult, mostly because she had always been fiercely independent and had lived on her own for more than fifteen years.
“Being a mom while living with your mom is also not easy, but we made it work for the better part of a year, and I am so grateful for my parents.”
It also took humility to accept help from state assistance, but it’s there for the single moms who qualify and need a hand up. Understandably, like most single moms, Christine was nervous about the experience, but everyone was friendly, respectful, and helpful. A kind social worker set her up with medical assistance, SNAP, WIC, and free Pre-K for her youngest.
Sometimes to get to higher places, you need to remain in a low, humble posture.
#4: THERE’S A TIME TO GET UNSTUCK
For months, Christine lived in survival mode, but she knew she couldn’t stay there forever. Finally, when she felt like she could let her guard down a bit, Christine started to think about her future and how she wanted it to look.
She had her college degree, but she hadn’t worked in six years. She knew whatever she did next would be important for her long-term success, so she didn’t want to be hasty.
“I had to look at where I was and where I wanted us to go. Then I had to make some really big decisions,” Christine said, remembering how hard it was to take such necessary steps. “No one was going to make things better for me. If I wanted a better future for myself and the boys, I was going to have to make that happen.”
Christine decided to forge a new path. She applied for an online paralegal certification program at a well-known college, and she was accepted. It was an excellent fit for her. She could do the program at night when the boys were sleeping. Proudly, she graduated with all A’s for the first time in her life.
You may be reading this and feeling like you don’t have the financial means to change your future. Christine felt the same way.
“It would have been easy for me to use my financial insecurity as a reason to not go back to school. I just knew I owed it to my boys (and to myself) to try. I honestly cannot explain how I paid for it. Some of the money came from the child support, some from the cash I saved. I was very frugal. But honestly, looking back, it still doesn’t fully make sense to me how it happened. God provided it.”
#5: MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN
With her certification in hand, Christine set out to get a job. Her first interview went great, and she left feeling hopeful. And then, enter COVID.
“No one was hiring. What was I going to do now?”
Three weeks passed, and then she got a call. It was from the only place she interviewed. They offered her a job, starting right away. In the middle of a pandemic.
It felt like nothing short of a miracle. And that’s exactly what it was.
#6: NEVER SAY NEVER
Since her divorce, Christine went on a few dates, but dating with children isn’t easy, and she had no interest in getting married again.
Then, along came an undeniably great guy.
Christine laughed as she shared, “We had an incredible connection and, if I was going to get married again, he was the kind of guy I’d want as a husband and the father to my boys. But, I was content as a single mom, and I was NEVER getting married again, and I told him that—often.”
He was patient but persistent with her, knowing she needed time and space to heal. Right before the pandemic hit, the two got married in a sweet, quiet ceremony. They merged their families, and now Christine has added three beautiful step-daughters to her family, and her boys have a kind, loving father.
Clearly, in a happier place, Christine mentioned, “Maybe you can interview me in a few more years and write another article about what I’ve learned from co-parenting, but I don’t know what we would have done without each other this past year. He is everything I never had in my first marriage, and more.”
So, never say never. Your past does not get to define your future.
Life Is A Story That Is Written Every Day
Whatever you’re facing today as a single mom, Christine hopes her story has encouraged you that things can (and probably will) change direction.
“I can look back now and see that God was always moving me toward hope. If I’m honest though, it didn’t feel like hope at the time. And sometimes it still doesn’t.”
Your life is a story that is being written every day. As the pages turn, so does the path you are walking. Take a moment and reflect on your own story. When you take the time to look around you, you will probably find glimmers of hope in places you didn’t expect it.
Christine’s story went from a miserable marriage, loneliness, and hardship to a new career, a wonderful husband, and a positive outlook on her future. The journey required being vulnerable and humble, making many sacrifices, and never giving up. Just like you, the path in front of her is full of many unknowns, but Christine trusts that God will continue to lead her even through the darkest days. He’s been faithful.
Christine’s final encouragement was this: “I don’t know where your path will lead you, but I know it requires walking on it every day. As single moms, we must make some very selfless choices to protect and provide for our children. With those choices comes the toughest one of all—to show up and be present. To keep walking.”
Single Mom, we are all put on a specific path for a reason. The Shepherd’s Village family prays you will walk along your path with confidence in where the Lord is taking you. Your best days are ahead of you.